Christmas Cheer

The true meaning of Christmas can sometime get lost with the stress of buying that perfect gift, of making sure everything looks just right and all the hustle and bustle of having only so many days left....here is a recipe for CHRISTMAS CHEER.
2/3 cup of GRATITUDE...be thankful for your many blessings.
1 cup of DELIGHT & JOY....marvel in the splendor of all the beautiful lights that decorate the Christmas Tree.
2 cups of TRUST...in knowing Baby Jesus was born for us.
3 cups of GRACE PEACE & HOPE...take in a deep breath and feel these three words warm your soul.
1/2 teaspoon of WISDOM...it is not in the amount of presents that we give or receive that will bring us the true meaning of Christmas.
1 1/2 cups of HARMONY...listen to the sounds of the season.
5 cups of LOVE...embrace all those around you. Share in the goodness of the season.
Merry Christmas to all.
Sit with a nice, decorated Christmas cookie, listen to Jingle Bells and Enjoy!
Peace & God Bless.

(Thanks Aunt Gay :)great idea.)

Thanksgiving

T thankful for all my blessings
H honor for all the soldiers serving our country
A admiration for all those who give to others
N never lose HOPE
K konrad and koby- I am thankful
S sing out loud- it feels good
G grace -peace -love -to all
I in loving memory for three men I love and miss deeply- dad, pepere, baba
V volunteer- it's good for the soul
I imagine a world of PEACE
N never forget your blessings
G gather with family and friends

Happy Thanksgiving.

The Ride Of My Life

It is exactly one month from today that I turn 40. I have been dreading this day for over a year now. Turning 39 was hard because I knew the next year I'd be the BIG 4 0!
As the day quickly approaches I have been on an emotional roller coaster-actually more of the ride has been on a fast slope going down. I've noticed more grey hair and wrinkles. I immediately went out and bought an entire new skin care regime and I'm trying to figure away to pull back my skin with a hair clip- I will not succumb to this age thing with out a fight!
I've been trying to understand why this number is bothering me so much- I don't feel my age. Remembering back I can recall two instances that stand out in my mind...why turning 40 is so awful.
The first is when I was 11 or 12 (I can't remember) the doctors were explaining to my parents and me why it was so important I have open heart surgery to fix my hole in my heart. I remember asking...what if I don't? The doctor said...when you are 40 you could have a heart attack. I can so vividly remember thinking...so what, I'll be half dead by then anyway. (thankfully my parents had me have the surgery)
The second was my mom's 40th. I can see her at the doorway entering as we all shout surprise! We were all dressed in black. Black decorations. Black balloons. So horrible. (sorry mom)
Self reflection for me this past year-especially these last few months have been huge-
Who was I?
Who am I?
Dreams-Goals-Lists-Success-Failures
Two weeks ago I wished I could have a re-do. Do things in my life differently-Be someone different. But then I went out and purchased this book, Forty Things To Do When You turn Forty written by "experts" on turning 40. Some ideas in the book where crazy-let your hair go grey. Absolutely not! I thought. Some stuff was just dull- but some ideas touched me and made my roller coaster I was on slow down-
"Forty is a time to celebrate the next step in the journey and acknowledge how far you've already come." By Scott Chesney
That made me see for the first time how momentous this number truly is. I have lived FORTY years!
40 years of a life filled with love.
I have laughed and cried.
I've been happy and proud for accomplishments.
I've been sad and felt beaten for failures.
But looking back at the last 40 years it is because of each and every moment I can embrace this day as a celebration of all that I have lived.
The roller coaster is now slowly creeping back up the steep, tall climb....
I'm excited knowing that on the other side is a huge drop-
A drop that is open to many possibilities....
My stomach lurches-
My face is pulled back from the force-
I raise my arms high over head-
I scream with delight.....
I am 40!!!!

Seasons

I think the fall air has gotten me excited and creative! I am happy to say. :) I just submitted the poem below to a poetry contest. Her name was Dorothy Sargent Rosenberg...she died young but did a lot in her lifetime. It was said that she embraced life. Her husband started this contest in her rememberance. The writers had to write a poem in celebration of life. I hope I captured a glimpse of how I embrace being a mom. It is pure happiness loving my boys...I celebrate them and my love for them in this poem.


Seasons

Her belly swells with life. The spring air warms her insides from the cold thaw of winter. Movement from within tickles her. She gently places her hands over her bulging belly. The tips of her fingers and thumbs touch- a perfect heart shape is formed.
Small seeds are planted under the dirt. The soft touch of rain quenches its thirst. The suns raise shines down giving the seed all it needs to grow.
Piercing jabs replace the movement. Her body tells her that it is time. Sweat drips off of her chin-squinting her eyes closed she pushes, hands balled tightly into fists- she pushes again. A tiny cry fills the room.
The stem pushes out from beneath the dirt. The tightly closed flower feels the warmth of day light. Slowly each petal uncurls. Spring has awakened.
She sits and watches as her boys run under the cool spray of water. They run in circles reaching for the wet spray. Mouths open catching the drops of water before they fall to the ground. Their bodies young and vibrant, healthy and beautiful. She laughs as she watches them play.
Shades of pinks, purples and yellows color the garden. Each flower powerfully showing off their magnificence. The hot sun of summer brings warmth to the earth. Happy birds dine at a birdfeeder and the bees happily suck nectar from the flowers below.
She sits by the window and watches her boys climb the naked tree. They wave and she waves back.
The cool air of fall brings shorter days and brisk nights. Fragrant flowers are replaced by red, juicy apples growing in the orchard and big, round, orange pumpkins sitting on a vine. She stares out and ponders in amazement, wonder and pride at her two boys as they grow- they strive, they dream, they imagine, they laugh, they cry, they care, they love.
She lays quiet now. Eyes closed. Her boys sit by her side- one hand wrapped gently around hers. The other lay his head gently on her shoulder.
Winter has come. Crisp frozen snow covers the ground. Pure white reflects the suns glow. The winds outside blow softly. The sun sets.
Deeply she takes one last breath. She smiles.

Flicker of HOPE

I recently received an e-mail from an avid reader of cookie-MOMster waiting patiently for my next blog. I wrote her back asking for ideas, I had none. My ideas have been frozen just like I have been. My inner candle is burning low and dim...not much light. I've had zero energy and zero creativity. It can be painful at times just trying to get one foot in front of the other to make it through daily life. Life's happenings can really kick the shit out of you. death, sickness, worry....
Wondering what plan does God truly have for us? No wonder my candle is almost out.....
Yet deep with-in I do believe God or spirit does have an almighty plan...death can come all too soon for our loved ones bringing us gut wrenching pain and grief yet deep with-in the sorrow we can feel HOPE that an Angel in heaven is up there just for us. sickness can come and take over our body yet it can not defeat our inner strength, we can reach inside our being and find HOPE to carry us on our journey ...worry can gobble our soul and take our laughter yet it will not bury our character as we take a deep breath and pray for HOPE to guide us through the stress.
And with the memory of September 11 I light a candle in silent HOPE to all remembered and say a prayer of thanks for it is because of them I am able to re-light my inner candle and bravely place one foot in front of the other to embrace another day believing there is a plan.

God Bless to all of you suffering and may you find your HOPE.

Mirage

Life is an illusion.
Looking into the mirror what do we see...big legs, big butt, big ears, big nose
Walking into a room at a party what do we think others see...big legs, big butt, big ears, big nose

Life is an illusion.
Painting a picture, writing a story, molding a sculpture what do we see...color all askew, words making no sense, sculpture crooked
Showing another someone your work what do we think they see...color all askew, words making no sense, sculpture crooked

Life is an illusion.
Doubt, Put downs, Shame, No Confidence, Gross, Not Worthy, Ugly
Determined, Brave, Confidence, Gutsy, Alluring, Spirited, Beautiful

Life is an illusion.

Believe in yourself.
Take a chance.

(And that my reader is what I am going to do. Thanks to my Master Shi Fu I will embrace my art and stop the illusion.)

HOPE

I had to play God the other day and I didn't like it....

I remember the month...November. A cool chill in the air. I was going on a retreat, to find myself and find my faith. Divorce makes you lose a lot. I was sad and empty inside. I drove to the dog pound. I had an hour before the retreat. Driving up the dirt road, gravel crunching under my tires. Rounding the corner, dogs barked. My heart pounded beneath my sweatshirt. Walking the length of the chain links dogs jumped and barked. I stopped in front of each cage. I was short on time so I looked each dog over quickly....too big, too scary, too little, too hyper. BIG SIGH.... but wait. In the last cage, a medium-white fluffy dog sat. She simply sat. Eyes looking into mine. It was like she was saying...you won't pick me-I know it.
"Hi Girl" I said. She sat. And looked. As I spoke she never took her eyes off mine. She just tilted her head back and forth to let me know she was listening. My heart fell in love. "I'll be back" I told her. She sat.
All weekend I thought of her. My heart grew stronger that weekend. And on Monday I wasn't as lonely. I named her Hope. During a time in my life when I had none she filled me with so much. For 14 years she made me laugh, she cuddled next to me in bed, she'd lay at my feet while I read a book, she calmed me when I was stressed, and during sad times she let my tears wet her fur as I sobbed into her neck. I will forever be grateful for her and the HOPE she gave me then and the HOPE that will be with me always.

I had to play God the other day and I didn't like it.

(Rest in Peace Hope. I love you.)

Epoch

So much time wasted
or is it

I walked along the hall of the living dead
what are their thoughts

Is time the enemy
or do we make our own nightmares

Time is precious

Time is empty

Time is good

Time is short


A baby born
a new start

now he sits
slumped over
drool slipping from the corners of his mouth

Is time the enemy
or do we make our own nightmares

Possibilities

Desires

Achievements



failure

regret

disappointment


So much time wasted
or is it

BUZZ-BUZZ!

This time of year the world around us is bursting with color. Red Tulips, Yellow Daffodils, the full bloom of the Magnolia Tree, the bright yellow Forsythias. Neighbors are planting in their yards flowers of various kind and color. Your eyes take in a rainbow of hues...it makes you smile. The thoughts of the long hard winter, a distant memory. Behold the beauty of spring....you take a deep breath in, smell the fragrant air of the Lilacs...
buzz...buzz...buzz...BUZZ...BUZZ...BUZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You spin around and swat, arms flapping at the pesky bee...get out of here! You shout, under a tiny scream. The bee continues to attack...you flap your arms faster and in every direction, now you begin to run...get out of here!!!!! buzz...buzz...buzz....the hungry bee wants his flower!!!! As you are flapping like a crazy person and running (as your neighbor planting his flowers next door tries not to notice) you look down and see just what the bee is after, not you, but the delicious nectar from the all hated DANDELION!

Growing up I can remember my dad always being angry at the Dandelion. He'd buy weed killer and spray them. They would just pop up somewhere else. He'd get companies to come and spray his lawn...again they would just pop up somewhere else. He'd pick and pull them, bury them...but nothing would work. The all mighty Dandelion ruled the yard. Up until this year I felt the same about the evil Dandelion. But this year my two boys changed my vision.

Throughout the Spring I get very excited at the new birth of all that has been asleep over the winter...so each time a new flower or tree would bloom I would exclaim....out loud..."Oh mY GOD that is beautiful!!!" Soon the boys caught on at what I was looking at and we'd drive around to many "Oh mY GODs that is beautiful!" This one particular day I was walking around the yard getting ideas on new flowers to plant and looking at the new blooms coming up. I spotted an evil Dandelion and started to tug at it....Konrad and Koby zoomed over...
"Mommy what are you doing to the poor beautiful flower?" They asked.
"This thing....this is a Dandelion." "Not a flower." I replied
"But mommy...it's beautiful!" "It's yellow!!!"
Ugh...looking down at this monster of the past and pushing away my dad's idea that Dandelions are evil...I noticed the Dandelion for what it was. The kids where right, it was a beautiful yellow. In a big group Dandelions do look beautiful. At night they close up real tight and in the early morning light they spread wide open. BEAUTIFUL. And I couldn't stop there....
DID YOU KNOW....Dandelions are an important source of nectar and pollen for those BUZZING BEES.
Dandelions are also a source of nectar for Pearl-Bordered Fritillary Butterflies, an early emerging spring Butterfly.
Dandelions make a great meal. High in nutrition.
AND- Dandelions leaves are believed to have a diuretic effect!

So I am off to gather dinner in my own back yard....and I can eat an extra cookie or two with out the guilt...thanks to my new friend, the Dandelion. BEAUTIFUL!

Embrace your MOTHERHOOD

Who is a MOM?

She is anyone who has whispered an I love you.

She is someone with a gentle hand that guides you.

She is a friend that makes you laugh.

She is a warm embrace.

She is comfort when life gets too much.

She is honest.

She is hard working.

She is patient.

She is stressed.

She is giving.

She loves unconditionally.

She is beautiful.

Happy Mother's Day

XOXO

Words

Someone called me an idiot savant. The same someone said I had a learning disability. This same someone made me feel little, very little.

At first when I was called the idiot savant I tried to rationalize it...like well at least I maybe brilliant in something. That something being my writing. But deep inside, my head was screaming NO! That was not kind. Then that someone said I had a learning disability. That all of these years I have over compensated for how teachers may have failed me. I rationalized this by blaming it on my teachers. But deep inside, my head was screaming NO! That was not kind. Then that someones tone changed. That someone began pointing and starring and shaking their head, and I sat. I sat in that chair, shrinking. Getting smaller and smaller with each word being uttered from their mouth. I wanted to get away and crawl under something. I wanted to be invisible....I felt little, very little.

Words can hurt as much as a knife cutting through flesh. You may not bleed from the words but they pierce through you just as much. I sit typing this blog getting a little bit bigger...each day I grow more, realizing I am me the me I knew before those harsh words attacked my very being.
But I write this to show how ones words can effect someone. Words are powerful. Use them wisely...
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; they become your destiny.
written by, unknown

I am me...She is she

I say potato...She says patato
I say biggest loser...She says american idol
I say oprah...She says rachel ray
I say dog...She says cat
I say hugh jackman...She says brad pitt
I say jennifer aniston...She says angelina jolie
I say beyonce...She says janet jackson
I say bono...She says sting
I say summer...She says spring
and on and on and on it goes....................

TWO very different people dancing to their own special beat. Differences are what make up each persons individuality. The differences are what makes each other special and unique. I get it but what happens when these two different beats are not able to make a rhythm together.
One drum sounds...rat tat tat
the other drum sounds...boom boom boom
each drum making beautiful sounds but they can't be played together. Alone they make music, together they make noise.
It all works fine when each drum is played solo but put these two drums side by side and the music stops. Each drum can not understand the others beat. Each drum is happy with the sounds that they have created around them and don't need the other drum messing up the rhythm.
As a person in the audience I enjoy both sounds and I'd prefer the two drums not to play together. They are their own drum. Let them create the sounds that are perfect for them. Why push a tat or a boom on either when they both sound perfect alone. As the audience we need to except some instruments as solo performers. Enjoy them for the music they give. And as for each individual drum, play the music that they drum best. Except each others sound for what is played...rat tat tat or boom boom boom. Don't try to want or ask for more out of that drum because baby, that drum is jammin to its own special beat.

Embrace it!
Enjoy it!
Dance it!

twirl with a cookie...they make a good dance partner.

Happy Trails.....

Who is content with their life? That is the question my professor posed to my seminar class last week. We where discussing the story of "Rasselas." A prince that lives in a place called Happy Valley. There he lives in happiness all of the time. But the prince is unsettled and longs for more. And so Professor Curley asked...Who here is content with the life they live? I sit among students varying in age, but most are young, therefore many shook their heads or mumbled "No." Not realizing it but my head was softly nodding "yes." The professor caught my nod and mentioned something like...So Kim who is married and has some years of experience can say she is content. I said aloud, "Yes, I am content." Thinking of Konrad and Koby, my marriage and some of what I have accomplished in life...YES! I am content. But further discussion in class and contemplating this past week made me question...How content am I???? Just like Rasselas, which states in the story, "I have already enjoyed too much; give me something to desire" (13). And that is when I realized it all comes down to DESIRE. I truly am CONTENT with my life but I DESIRE so much more. Just as Rasselas did. I realize life is a journey and one must have dreams and goals but with out the passion and DESIRE to go after those dreams and goals your journey might take you to a dead end. So I began thinking of what I DESIRE and realized my journey is full of winding roads, up hills, down hills and some bumps but I look ahead with much enthusiasm knowing my Happy Valley lives with in. Life is what each one of us makes of it. To search for happiness is going on a journey with no ending.

Happy Trails to you all as you travel on your own journey.
Take a cookie or two in case you get hungry!

Simple Pleasures

The soft smell of chocolate lingers in the air.
Steam rises.
I lean over and take a deep inhale-breathing in the rich chocolate delight.
I wrap my hands around the soft curve of the mug-I lift it slowly to my mouth.
I stop-letting it rest lightly on my bottom lip.
Taking another deep inhale- I close my eyes.
The scent of coco tickles my nose.
Finally-I place both my lips around the rim-the smooth, hot liquid glides down my throat.
My insides fill up with warmth.
I lick my lips in pure pleasure.

Dunkachinos are back at Dunkin Donuts!!!!!!
(if you've never tried one-what are you waiting for?) Get a cookie too-double the pleasure.