It is exactly one month from today that I turn 40. I have been dreading this day for over a year now. Turning 39 was hard because I knew the next year I'd be the BIG 4 0!
As the day quickly approaches I have been on an emotional roller coaster-actually more of the ride has been on a fast slope going down. I've noticed more grey hair and wrinkles. I immediately went out and bought an entire new skin care regime and I'm trying to figure away to pull back my skin with a hair clip- I will not succumb to this age thing with out a fight!
I've been trying to understand why this number is bothering me so much- I don't feel my age. Remembering back I can recall two instances that stand out in my mind...why turning 40 is so awful.
The first is when I was 11 or 12 (I can't remember) the doctors were explaining to my parents and me why it was so important I have open heart surgery to fix my hole in my heart. I remember asking...what if I don't? The doctor said...when you are 40 you could have a heart attack. I can so vividly remember thinking...so what, I'll be half dead by then anyway. (thankfully my parents had me have the surgery)
The second was my mom's 40th. I can see her at the doorway entering as we all shout surprise! We were all dressed in black. Black decorations. Black balloons. So horrible. (sorry mom)
Self reflection for me this past year-especially these last few months have been huge-
Who was I?
Who am I?
Two weeks ago I wished I could have a re-do. Do things in my life differently-Be someone different. But then I went out and purchased this book, Forty Things To Do When You turn Forty written by "experts" on turning 40. Some ideas in the book where crazy-let your hair go grey. Absolutely not! I thought. Some stuff was just dull- but some ideas touched me and made my roller coaster I was on slow down-
"Forty is a time to celebrate the next step in the journey and acknowledge how far you've already come." By Scott Chesney
That made me see for the first time how momentous this number truly is. I have lived FORTY years!
40 years of a life filled with love.
I have laughed and cried.
I've been happy and proud for accomplishments.
I've been sad and felt beaten for failures.
But looking back at the last 40 years it is because of each and every moment I can embrace this day as a celebration of all that I have lived.
The roller coaster is now slowly creeping back up the steep, tall climb....
I'm excited knowing that on the other side is a huge drop-
A drop that is open to many possibilities....
My stomach lurches-
My face is pulled back from the force-
I raise my arms high over head-
I scream with delight.....
I am 40!!!!
- Attleboro, Massachusetss, United States
- Hi. Welcome. I created CookieMOMster because when I was a first time mom 6 years ago cookies saved me. I was in a whirlwind of sleepless nights, crying and baby drool. I ate lots of cookies and began writing. Writing had been my passion since I was young and I had forgotten how much it meant to me. It's funny how these little lives come into your life and cause chaos but at the same time allow you to re-discover yourself. Thank you to Konrad and Koby for that. So sit down have a cookie and read. I hope you enjoy my blog as much as I enjoy writing. Thanks for visiting. I'm glad you stopped by.