cookie-MOMster

Drive

2012-01-29T20:59:00.000-05:00

cookie-MOMster is on a new journey. Seven years ago my journey was motherhood. I'm still on it and enjoying the ride...but my journey has made some turns. Because of the road with all its twists and bends I've started climbing some wonderful hills with views of fulfilling a life dream...becoming a writer! I self published my first book: Footprints in the Snow. While writing this book an angel in heaven held my hand and gave me a voice. It was a beautiful journey of compassion and love. My journey continued as it made a sharp right smashing me into taking a good look at my career. I was not in a good place. I was completely drowning in stress. I took control, made a detour and haven't looked in the rear view mirror once. My road is open now with magnificent views on my left and right. The road ahead is endless. I look forward to embracing my new journey as a writer and book store owner. Life is busy. Life is full. Life is up and down. Cookies and many of them are still consumed. I still chase happy. Recently in a writing workshop I had everyone think of six words that summed up their lives at the point they are at in their life...I came up with...
A journey to find inner peace.
My hope is you'll sit back, buckle up and come on this ride with me.

* if you'd like to check out my new store, Ugly Dog Books or purchase my book, (10% of the proceeds will go St. Joseph's Food Cellar in Attleboro, Mass.) Go to www.uglydogbooks.com
Email me if you'd like to order a book. uglydogbooks@verizon.net

Empty

2011-11-29T19:54:00.000-05:00

I hunger for something I can not touch
I thirst for something I can not taste

I search and can not find what it is I search for
I feel lost and frustrated

I reach out but nothing is there
I step out in front of me but I can not move

Nothing

I'm here, but I'm invisible
Why?

It is a loss that I feel
I can touch it, embrace it

I am angry. I only want to scream at the face of nothingness
I can not...it is not there

It is painful, not a sharp pain but a dull, throbbing pain
It won't leave me

It haunts me daily

I hate its ugly face

I am empty

Paralyzed

2011-10-28T13:48:00.000-04:00

My hand is over the flame
I feel nothing

The pin is piercing my skin
I feel nothing

My eyes burn
My throat aches
I feel nothing

Sleep comes
I am still tired

I'm awake
moving in a cloud called life

I feel nothing

My heart beats
My breath inhales and exhales

I'm numb

I'm alive

Ugly Dog Books, can I help you?

2011-10-10T14:14:00.000-04:00

Swirling, twirling..faster and faster. Round and round. Up and down...

Stepping onto solid ground my head spins, my feet sway. My chest is tight. I'm sweating. It takes a minute to talk....and when I do, I shout...

I've been on the ride of MY LIFE!!

This summer I went to work on a dream...I opened a new/used bookstore! I carry speciality gift items, greeting cards and I have a writer's room. I plan on having writing workshops, write nights and book clubs! This experience has been breath taking. A thrill ride.

Life is good! Life is write for me and it feels wonderful!

"Live the life you imagined." Henry David Thoreau

Memere's Kitchen

2011-06-08T11:19:00.000-04:00

I didn't name myself cookieMOMster for nothing. I have been in a funk lately. Writers call it writers block, I call it unable to think. I have not been able to create a piece for my blog. But today this hit me as I chewed my third, actually, most likely my fifth Chips Ahoy cookie.

The pure delight of reaching into that bright blue package. Hearing the crinkle of the bag. Grabbing the cookie, then biting off a piece. The hard crunchy bite mixed in with the sweet taste of chocolate from those cute little chips brought me back to Memere's kitchen.

Every time I went over to visit her and Pep I knew I could reach in to the cookie jar and there would be a bunch of the round yummy cookies. I always was taught to ask first, say please and thank you and not to be a pig. The first three were easy. But I'd always try to get more, sometime reaching in when Mem was in the living room while Pepere was outside.

It wasn't until my early adult age that I realized Mem tricked me. I'd always grab two cookies and chew and smile. Explaining to Mem with every bite how good these cookies are. She'd say, "well it's because I made them." Never did I question. Memere was an excellent cook. So why would I doubt the cookie? Time moved on and one day this cookie got smart. "Hey, those aren't home made."

But to this day that cookie brings me a warm, happy, cozy feeling. With each bite I am back in Memere's kitchen. I can still see the paneling. The Noah's Ark picture. The dryer. The window over the sink. The round kitchen table in the center of the small room. I can hear Pep outside doing some sort of work and I can see Mem in the kitchen cooking or folding laundry in the loving room.

It has been years since I have been inside fifty Mulberry Street- but today I went back.
It was delicious.

Balloons to Heaven

2011-04-11T10:16:00.001-04:00

It's Bampa's birthday
Hooray!

What color balloons would you like?
red for me
blue for me
green for daddy
yellow for mommy

The peaceful blue of the sky
The warmth of the sun

In a circle we stand
each with our colored balloon

1-2-3

Balloons to Heaven!

they drift upward
we watch them
they float up

Balloons to Heaven

The Agony of De-feet

2011-03-28T13:59:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday I ran (jogged) a 3 mile race. I've been running (jogging) now for 4 years. You think it would be easy or at least enjoyable. But the truth is running (jogging) for me is torture. It is a complete mental struggle. Before I even begin a race, no matter the miles, I am defeated before my sneakers cross the starting line. It begins the moment I wake up. Thoughts cross my mind....you suck. Your slow. You don't look like a runner. You could be last. Why do you do this? Seriously....WHY? Then there's the race. All the "REAL" runners are there. Looking all running like. Stretching. Warming up. Having cute, funny conversations with one another. Oh, it's a party for most....for me....it's hell. My thoughts continue to play in my head...you suck. Your slow. Usually before I jog over the starting line I'm close to tears. But I continue the task of placing one sneaker in front of the other and before I know it I'm jogging. With each mile struggles occur, pain, feet hurt, breathing...but with in these miles there are good moments too. I feel happy, alive, and I can say to myself..."self, you are doing it." "Slow and steady." And before I know it the finish line is in sight. With each moment of an up there is a down but nothing can take a way the thrill of crossing a finish line. That is the answer to the WHY...I jog because I finish. Slow and steady.

A race is like life. Not easy. Lots of emotion. Many ups and many downs. But if at the end of my life I can cross the finish line happy with no regrets I will have won the race of a lifetime.

LOVE

2011-02-17T15:13:00.000-05:00

Two beautiful gifts were given to me

Two sets of eyes glowing with love when they reach out their hand and place it in mine
Two vibrant sounds of laughter are heard from a room down the hall
Two boisterous sets of feet clamoring into the house

My life has been blessed with LOVE

The LOVE of being a mom
To love with my entire heart, my entire being
I never realized it could be possible to love so deeply

As they grow so does my love

Two beautiful gifts were given to me

Life Lessons 101

2011-02-06T19:05:00.001-05:00

If someone were to ask me, "Kim who has taught you the most in life?"

I could answer...my parents, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, cousins, hubby, sister, friends, teachers, college professors; even my 4 and 6 year old teach me daily. It is true, I have learned a great deal from all of the above. BUT the one who has taught me the most in life is.....

On a cold November, Saturday a very long time ago I was feeling alone. I had been separated from my first husband (I could actually use him too who taught me...but that's another blog) I was sad and empty inside. All the tears had gone- my heart broken.

I needed to heal.
I needed a friend.

So I drove myself to an animal shelter. Among the rows of sad and lonely dogs I see a beautiful, white and fluffy one. She simply sat and stared at me. All the others jumped and barked. She simply sat. I looked into her eyes and saw everything that I felt. I knew we had to be together. I took her home and named her HOPE.

We spent fourteen beautiful years together.
It was in those years that I learned....

To love unconditionally
To find joy in each day
To get excited to run in the rain and jump in the snow
To embrace the warm sun on a hot day and just rest
To take a walk and observe the miracles of nature
To curl up on a cozy bed and sleep the day away
To hug and kiss often
To be thankful for family and friends
To laugh at yourself, even when you look silly
To say sorry when you hurt the ones you love
To be gentle and kind
To never, ever give up HOPE

My dog HOPE- My life's teacher

Who is yours?

5 Ways for Mom to get PEACE

2011-01-31T13:56:00.004-05:00

Even before the alarm rings there is a wet nose poking me, telling me it's time to wake up. Then the sound of pitter patter and "Mommy it's time to get up."

So begins the day....

dogs out, breakfast for the kids, feed the dogs, get everyone dressed, out the door we go....

get the kids to school then off to work....

phones ring, text messages sound, email beeps, paper work to finish. 5 O'clock....

get my coat, get the kids, off to soccer practice, band practice, ballet.
belly grumbles- make dinner. Homework, bath time, story time, bed.....

PAUSE- breathe....CAN'T....

laundry, shoot forgot to feed the dogs, feed the dogs, bathroom is a mess, load the dishwasher, finish reports, make tomorrows lunches, clothes into dryer, sweep, mop, dust, vacuum.....

finally,.... bed.

cold wet nose on the check...."Mommy , mommy time to get up."
one eye open, UGH. 5 a.m. Instant reply ............

How does a mom get PEACE?

P...pace yourself. It's not a race.
E...embrace each day. It truly is a blessing.
A...ask for help. You don't have to be supermom.
C...cut yourself a break. You are doing great.
E...energize yourself. Do something you enjoy for 10 minutes a day.

I grab a cup of coffee with a cookie and simply sit.

Peace out to all you busy moms and anyone else who can hardly breathe because of a busy life.

2011 It's Your Life

2010-12-30T14:58:00.005-05:00

Once Upon a Time....

Once upon a time, in a little cozy town, on a wintry white night of December a baby girl was born.

Romance, Drama, Conflict, Sorrow, Triumph, Happiness and Hope fill the pages of her story. She continues to write chapter after chapter.
Characters have come in and stayed adding to her story filling it with love and laughter. While others have come in and gone leaving her to unravel the havoc that was created.
Each page that is turned she moves on and creates herself into something...a wife, a mother, a friend, an enemy, a movie star, a dancer, a villain, a rock star....giggles can be heard when many of the words are read, just as easy tears can fall when at times she feels sorrow or has pain deep with in the pages.
Yet as each page is written magic occurs.
Anything can happen in the story of life.

Happy 2011 to all. We are all main characters in our very own story...What will your story say this new year?

Once Upon A Time.......

Hey Santa get off my deck.....

2010-12-22T20:58:00.002-05:00

Twas the night before Christmas
When all through the house

Not a doggie was snoring
Not even Thoreau

The stockings were hung upon each bedroom
doorway with care

In hopes that Santa soon would be there

Konrad and Koby were comfy cozy in bed
While visions of Lightening McQueen flashed in their heads

And Kim in her baseball cap (Red Sox of course)
And Kurt wearing one too had just snuggled in just before two

When out by the pool there came such a noise
Rasta and Thoreau barked as we jumped out of bed to see what was the matter

Running to the sliders we peeked
then tore open the curtains
and switched on the porch light

The moon shone bright
on the fresh fallen snow
It gave the ground a shimmer
and made everything glow

When what to our eyes did we see
but a sleigh filled with toys
and eight flying reindeer

The driver was Santa
all dressed in red

I smiled knowing I should be in bed

He guided the sleigh down to the deck
I wanted to say
Hey Santa what the heck!

Deer poop to clean wasn't something I wished for
But Santa gave a nod
And I moved my bod

He scanned the room for his cookies and milk
Gave a burp as he finished
With the back of his arm wiped the milk from his beard

He placed each present under the tree
Whispering a quiet "damn" as he got up
Placing his hands on top of each knee

Kurt and I watched him work
Filling each stocking
As he stopped for a moment to pat each dog

Then he turned with a pivot
Out the door he ran

Jumping into his sleigh
He gave his team a shout out

"Let's get a move on"
"We don't have all night!"

And as he rode out of sight
we heard him say-

"Merry Christmas to all
and to all sleep tight."

20 Things I Know For Sure

2010-12-06T20:00:00.004-05:00

Oprah does a thing at the end of her magazine..."what I know for sure", she always comes up with a thoughtful piece about life...blah-blah-blah. I always close the magazine pondering her thoughts but then thinking how the hell did she come up with that? So I've decided to write about What I Know For Sure....
1. I know I love my boys and husband
2. I know that I am blessed
3. I know that I hate running, I know that I love running
4. I know I love to eat
5. I know I need sleep and coffee
6. I know I have great family and friends in my life
7. I know my kids stress me out
8. I know I'm not perfect
9. I know I have goals and passions I will conquer
10. I know life is short and I need to slow down
11. I know I love to write
12. I know this world is full of so much good but we hear of so much bad
13. I know my dogs, Rasta& Thoreau, bring me peace
14. I know books bring me happiness
15. I know my dad watches over me
16. I know I'm on an awesome journey called life
17. I know I must embrace everyday to its fullest
18. I know I love a warm chocolate chip cookie with milk
19. I know I want a mini van
20. I know laughing is fun and I don't do it enough
What do you know for sure?

Floating

2010-08-24T16:02:00.003-04:00

I'm trapped inside- The sides all around me are round and smooth to the touch
Softly I breathe
Placing my hands on both sides I lean my forehead against the soft surface
I can look down-up-sideways
Softly I breathe
I'm not nervous- I simply glide, feeling the gentle movement under my feet
Floating- feels peaceful
Softly I breathe
The wind picks up
My body sways
Back and forth I float- violently
gasping for breath
My body rolls into the smooth sides
I tumble and turn
I'm nervous now- I can't get my body to remain still
gasping for breath
The wind pushes me up
I just want to get out
gasping for breath
The soft sides feel like they have turned to thick rubber
I can't break out- I'm trapped
gasping for breath
overcome with fear- wait-stop-the wind...it is gone
gently I now float
reaching over the tree tops
I breathe
....POP!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

2010-06-21T12:57:00.005-04:00

At pre-school the kids were asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Some replied; doctor, teacher and even a paleontologist. Guess what my boys want to be?
Koby says, "Spider man!" Konrad wants to be, "Lotso." (He's from the new Toy Story 3 movie.) At first I tried to explain, "Guys you can't be Spider man or Lotso, they aren't real." Two sets of little eyes blankly stared at me. "Why not, mom?" They both cried out in unison. I thought for a moment...Why not?

Sure there are many reasons why they can't be fictitious characters, but with my love and at times, obsession with Disney who's to say they won't become some character....but I digress...Why not?

So I reply..."You know what guys...you can be Spider man and Lotso! You can be anything you want to be." "Yahoo!" They turn around to run, Koby shooting spiderwebs and Konrad screaming, "I'm Lotso!!!!"

Smiling- I wonder what will they be? It sure will be fun waiting and watching.

Then I got to thinking....When do people really know what they want to be? How do you know? There are so many pressures on people to be something. To become something. To make money. To get stuff and lots of it. Then things happen,
black hair turns grey. Lines become wrinkles. Stomachs carry ulcers. Frowns replace smiles. Laughter is smothered by worry.
What do you want to be when you grow up?

"HAPPY." I reply

I call Spider man and Lotso in the room and give them each a big hug.

Pay it Forward

2010-04-09T20:00:00.004-04:00

I just signed up for a run. It should be an awesome run. I will get to run(JOG), in my case, across home plate at Fenway Park. It is also awesome because I get to raise money for soldiers that are coming home. Since I signed up and will be running to honor my cousin Justin who served in Iraq...I've got to thinking... What does it mean to sacrifice?

In the game of baseball Big Papi might sacrifice a fly ball to send Pedroia home.
A mom or dad might sacrifice a new basement because their child needs braces.
But what if you are a soldier and you've been called to duty. The duty to serve your country. What does a soldier sacrifice?

Wearing a dusty helmet and carrying a heavy gun, that soldier sacrifices...
Fighting in the hot sun, that soldier sacrifices...
Sweat, fear, loneliness, tired, that soldier sacrifices...

What happens when the tour of duty is over and the soldier returns home?

Family and friends have been living their lives...
Soldier's children have grown, taken first steps, said their first words...
New babies of soldiers have been born while they have been away keeping us safe...
What does it mean to sacrifice?

I will never know the true meaning of what it means to sacrifice especially for people that I do not even know...I am not a soldier.
So this run makes me honored to be able to give back to Justin and all who have sacrificed for my family and my boys, Konrad and Koby.

For all the soldiers...you are a HERO
He or she, committed to keep us safe...YOU HAVE SACRIFICED
Everything they do is for our country...YOU HAVE SACRIFICED
Ready to serve at any moment...YOU HAVE SACRIFICED
Outstanding...YOU HAVE SACRIFICED

I will run (jog) strong that day in your honor.
Thank you for all that you do.

Please help me in raising $1,000 (or more) for the soldiers coming home.
Go to runtohomebase@redsox.com
Hit support
Donate to an individual
type in Kimberly Storch
press search
thank you, God Bless

The ZONE

2010-01-10T21:52:00.003-05:00

ZONE...to be in a zone. There is a NO FLY ZONE for pilots. There is the END ZONE for football players. A SAFETY ZONE for worker people. A CRIME ZONE for the police. There are WAR ZONES for soldiers. There are TORRID, TEMPERATE, VARIABLE & FRIGID ZONES near the equator. There is a COMFORT ZONE in all of us. Yes, to be in the ZONE...just chillin. But wait....what if we should attempt to step out of our COMFORT ZONE. That is what a very inspirational person often tells me. "Kim-get out of your comfort zone." That advice began with my jogging in half marathons. I'd get discouraged and down that my breathing was off or my time was slow. I'd want an easy solution...slow down or walk. But I'd always hear...GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. Slowly that advice would sink in and I'd train harder. Each race I feel a bit stronger...However, at times, I still need to tell myself to get out of my comfort zone. Which brings me to how I recently stripped off my comfort zone when I decided to do another Pelissey Penguin Plunge on New Year's Day. I was nervous and scared to do the plunge but I heard the words deep with in...comfort zone. So off I ran and dove into the frigid cold waters! So happy to start the New Year with my comfort zone off. Yet in every day life I have a huge comfort zone to get out of...it's not sitting on the couch or staying in bed. (I wish) It is the PERFECT ZONE, of wanting everything as close to perfect as possible, so that I turn into a total and complete stress case... the Christmas Tree is still up! the bathroom is messy! the laundry is piled high! the dog hair is everywhere! GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE....with these words and the knowledge that I can apply them to many facets of my life I have come to the IT'S OKAY ZONE. Not being perfect is OK. To just do the best I can...BUT not to settle and become complacent...to just stay a tad ahead of my comfort zone and know that stepping outside the zone I can breath an "AH"...and just chill.

Christmas Cheer

2009-12-21T18:50:00.000-05:00

The true meaning of Christmas can sometime get lost with the stress of buying that perfect gift, of making sure everything looks just right and all the hustle and bustle of having only so many days left....here is a recipe for CHRISTMAS CHEER.
2/3 cup of GRATITUDE...be thankful for your many blessings.
1 cup of DELIGHT & JOY....marvel in the splendor of all the beautiful lights that decorate the Christmas Tree.
2 cups of TRUST...in knowing Baby Jesus was born for us.
3 cups of GRACE PEACE & HOPE...take in a deep breath and feel these three words warm your soul.
1/2 teaspoon of WISDOM...it is not in the amount of presents that we give or receive that will bring us the true meaning of Christmas.
1 1/2 cups of HARMONY...listen to the sounds of the season.
5 cups of LOVE...embrace all those around you. Share in the goodness of the season.
Merry Christmas to all.
Sit with a nice, decorated Christmas cookie, listen to Jingle Bells and Enjoy!
Peace & God Bless.

(Thanks Aunt Gay :)great idea.)

Thanksgiving

2009-11-23T14:51:00.000-05:00

T thankful for all my blessings
H honor for all the soldiers serving our country
A admiration for all those who give to others
N never lose HOPE
K konrad and koby- I am thankful
S sing out loud- it feels good
G grace -peace -love -to all
I in loving memory for three men I love and miss deeply- dad, pepere, baba
V volunteer- it's good for the soul
I imagine a world of PEACE
N never forget your blessings
G gather with family and friends

Happy Thanksgiving.

The Ride Of My Life

2009-11-12T15:24:00.000-05:00

It is exactly one month from today that I turn 40. I have been dreading this day for over a year now. Turning 39 was hard because I knew the next year I'd be the BIG 4 0!
As the day quickly approaches I have been on an emotional roller coaster-actually more of the ride has been on a fast slope going down. I've noticed more grey hair and wrinkles. I immediately went out and bought an entire new skin care regime and I'm trying to figure away to pull back my skin with a hair clip- I will not succumb to this age thing with out a fight!
I've been trying to understand why this number is bothering me so much- I don't feel my age. Remembering back I can recall two instances that stand out in my mind...why turning 40 is so awful.
The first is when I was 11 or 12 (I can't remember) the doctors were explaining to my parents and me why it was so important I have open heart surgery to fix my hole in my heart. I remember asking...what if I don't? The doctor said...when you are 40 you could have a heart attack. I can so vividly remember thinking...so what, I'll be half dead by then anyway. (thankfully my parents had me have the surgery)
The second was my mom's 40th. I can see her at the doorway entering as we all shout surprise! We were all dressed in black. Black decorations. Black balloons. So horrible. (sorry mom)
Self reflection for me this past year-especially these last few months have been huge-
Who was I?
Who am I?
Dreams-Goals-Lists-Success-Failures
Two weeks ago I wished I could have a re-do. Do things in my life differently-Be someone different. But then I went out and purchased this book, Forty Things To Do When You turn Forty written by "experts" on turning 40. Some ideas in the book where crazy-let your hair go grey. Absolutely not! I thought. Some stuff was just dull- but some ideas touched me and made my roller coaster I was on slow down-
"Forty is a time to celebrate the next step in the journey and acknowledge how far you've already come." By Scott Chesney
That made me see for the first time how momentous this number truly is. I have lived FORTY years!
40 years of a life filled with love.
I have laughed and cried.
I've been happy and proud for accomplishments.
I've been sad and felt beaten for failures.
But looking back at the last 40 years it is because of each and every moment I can embrace this day as a celebration of all that I have lived.
The roller coaster is now slowly creeping back up the steep, tall climb....
I'm excited knowing that on the other side is a huge drop-
A drop that is open to many possibilities....
My stomach lurches-
My face is pulled back from the force-
I raise my arms high over head-
I scream with delight.....
I am 40!!!!

Seasons

2009-10-07T20:39:00.000-04:00

I think the fall air has gotten me excited and creative! I am happy to say. :) I just submitted the poem below to a poetry contest. Her name was Dorothy Sargent Rosenberg...she died young but did a lot in her lifetime. It was said that she embraced life. Her husband started this contest in her rememberance. The writers had to write a poem in celebration of life. I hope I captured a glimpse of how I embrace being a mom. It is pure happiness loving my boys...I celebrate them and my love for them in this poem.

Seasons

Her belly swells with life. The spring air warms her insides from the cold thaw of winter. Movement from within tickles her. She gently places her hands over her bulging belly. The tips of her fingers and thumbs touch- a perfect heart shape is formed.
Small seeds are planted under the dirt. The soft touch of rain quenches its thirst. The suns raise shines down giving the seed all it needs to grow.
Piercing jabs replace the movement. Her body tells her that it is time. Sweat drips off of her chin-squinting her eyes closed she pushes, hands balled tightly into fists- she pushes again. A tiny cry fills the room.
The stem pushes out from beneath the dirt. The tightly closed flower feels the warmth of day light. Slowly each petal uncurls. Spring has awakened.
She sits and watches as her boys run under the cool spray of water. They run in circles reaching for the wet spray. Mouths open catching the drops of water before they fall to the ground. Their bodies young and vibrant, healthy and beautiful. She laughs as she watches them play.
Shades of pinks, purples and yellows color the garden. Each flower powerfully showing off their magnificence. The hot sun of summer brings warmth to the earth. Happy birds dine at a birdfeeder and the bees happily suck nectar from the flowers below.
She sits by the window and watches her boys climb the naked tree. They wave and she waves back.
The cool air of fall brings shorter days and brisk nights. Fragrant flowers are replaced by red, juicy apples growing in the orchard and big, round, orange pumpkins sitting on a vine. She stares out and ponders in amazement, wonder and pride at her two boys as they grow- they strive, they dream, they imagine, they laugh, they cry, they care, they love.
She lays quiet now. Eyes closed. Her boys sit by her side- one hand wrapped gently around hers. The other lay his head gently on her shoulder.
Winter has come. Crisp frozen snow covers the ground. Pure white reflects the suns glow. The winds outside blow softly. The sun sets.
Deeply she takes one last breath. She smiles.

Flicker of HOPE

2009-09-10T21:09:00.000-04:00

I recently received an e-mail from an avid reader of cookie-MOMster waiting patiently for my next blog. I wrote her back asking for ideas, I had none. My ideas have been frozen just like I have been. My inner candle is burning low and dim...not much light. I've had zero energy and zero creativity. It can be painful at times just trying to get one foot in front of the other to make it through daily life. Life's happenings can really kick the shit out of you. death, sickness, worry....
Wondering what plan does God truly have for us? No wonder my candle is almost out.....
Yet deep with-in I do believe God or spirit does have an almighty plan...death can come all too soon for our loved ones bringing us gut wrenching pain and grief yet deep with-in the sorrow we can feel HOPE that an Angel in heaven is up there just for us. sickness can come and take over our body yet it can not defeat our inner strength, we can reach inside our being and find HOPE to carry us on our journey ...worry can gobble our soul and take our laughter yet it will not bury our character as we take a deep breath and pray for HOPE to guide us through the stress.
And with the memory of September 11 I light a candle in silent HOPE to all remembered and say a prayer of thanks for it is because of them I am able to re-light my inner candle and bravely place one foot in front of the other to embrace another day believing there is a plan.

God Bless to all of you suffering and may you find your HOPE.

Mirage

2009-07-29T20:32:00.000-04:00

Life is an illusion.
Looking into the mirror what do we see...big legs, big butt, big ears, big nose
Walking into a room at a party what do we think others see...big legs, big butt, big ears, big nose

Life is an illusion.
Painting a picture, writing a story, molding a sculpture what do we see...color all askew, words making no sense, sculpture crooked
Showing another someone your work what do we think they see...color all askew, words making no sense, sculpture crooked

Life is an illusion.
Doubt, Put downs, Shame, No Confidence, Gross, Not Worthy, Ugly
Determined, Brave, Confidence, Gutsy, Alluring, Spirited, Beautiful

Life is an illusion.

Believe in yourself.
Take a chance.

(And that my reader is what I am going to do. Thanks to my Master Shi Fu I will embrace my art and stop the illusion.)

HOPE

2009-07-12T20:26:00.000-04:00

I had to play God the other day and I didn't like it....

I remember the month...November. A cool chill in the air. I was going on a retreat, to find myself and find my faith. Divorce makes you lose a lot. I was sad and empty inside. I drove to the dog pound. I had an hour before the retreat. Driving up the dirt road, gravel crunching under my tires. Rounding the corner, dogs barked. My heart pounded beneath my sweatshirt. Walking the length of the chain links dogs jumped and barked. I stopped in front of each cage. I was short on time so I looked each dog over quickly....too big, too scary, too little, too hyper. BIG SIGH.... but wait. In the last cage, a medium-white fluffy dog sat. She simply sat. Eyes looking into mine. It was like she was saying...you won't pick me-I know it.
"Hi Girl" I said. She sat. And looked. As I spoke she never took her eyes off mine. She just tilted her head back and forth to let me know she was listening. My heart fell in love. "I'll be back" I told her. She sat.
All weekend I thought of her. My heart grew stronger that weekend. And on Monday I wasn't as lonely. I named her Hope. During a time in my life when I had none she filled me with so much. For 14 years she made me laugh, she cuddled next to me in bed, she'd lay at my feet while I read a book, she calmed me when I was stressed, and during sad times she let my tears wet her fur as I sobbed into her neck. I will forever be grateful for her and the HOPE she gave me then and the HOPE that will be with me always.

I had to play God the other day and I didn't like it.

(Rest in Peace Hope. I love you.)

Epoch

2009-06-02T15:04:00.000-04:00

So much time wasted
or is it

I walked along the hall of the living dead
what are their thoughts

Is time the enemy
or do we make our own nightmares

Time is precious

Time is empty

Time is good

Time is short

A baby born
a new start

now he sits
slumped over
drool slipping from the corners of his mouth

Is time the enemy
or do we make our own nightmares

Possibilities

Desires

Achievements

failure

regret

disappointment

So much time wasted
or is it

BUZZ-BUZZ!

2009-05-14T14:43:00.000-04:00

This time of year the world around us is bursting with color. Red Tulips, Yellow Daffodils, the full bloom of the Magnolia Tree, the bright yellow Forsythias. Neighbors are planting in their yards flowers of various kind and color. Your eyes take in a rainbow of hues...it makes you smile. The thoughts of the long hard winter, a distant memory. Behold the beauty of spring....you take a deep breath in, smell the fragrant air of the Lilacs...
buzz...buzz...buzz...BUZZ...BUZZ...BUZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You spin around and swat, arms flapping at the pesky bee...get out of here! You shout, under a tiny scream. The bee continues to attack...you flap your arms faster and in every direction, now you begin to run...get out of here!!!!! buzz...buzz...buzz....the hungry bee wants his flower!!!! As you are flapping like a crazy person and running (as your neighbor planting his flowers next door tries not to notice) you look down and see just what the bee is after, not you, but the delicious nectar from the all hated DANDELION!

Growing up I can remember my dad always being angry at the Dandelion. He'd buy weed killer and spray them. They would just pop up somewhere else. He'd get companies to come and spray his lawn...again they would just pop up somewhere else. He'd pick and pull them, bury them...but nothing would work. The all mighty Dandelion ruled the yard. Up until this year I felt the same about the evil Dandelion. But this year my two boys changed my vision.

Throughout the Spring I get very excited at the new birth of all that has been asleep over the winter...so each time a new flower or tree would bloom I would exclaim....out loud..."Oh mY GOD that is beautiful!!!" Soon the boys caught on at what I was looking at and we'd drive around to many "Oh mY GODs that is beautiful!" This one particular day I was walking around the yard getting ideas on new flowers to plant and looking at the new blooms coming up. I spotted an evil Dandelion and started to tug at it....Konrad and Koby zoomed over...
"Mommy what are you doing to the poor beautiful flower?" They asked.
"This thing....this is a Dandelion." "Not a flower." I replied
"But mommy...it's beautiful!" "It's yellow!!!"
Ugh...looking down at this monster of the past and pushing away my dad's idea that Dandelions are evil...I noticed the Dandelion for what it was. The kids where right, it was a beautiful yellow. In a big group Dandelions do look beautiful. At night they close up real tight and in the early morning light they spread wide open. BEAUTIFUL. And I couldn't stop there....
DID YOU KNOW....Dandelions are an important source of nectar and pollen for those BUZZING BEES.
Dandelions are also a source of nectar for Pearl-Bordered Fritillary Butterflies, an early emerging spring Butterfly.
Dandelions make a great meal. High in nutrition.
AND- Dandelions leaves are believed to have a diuretic effect!

So I am off to gather dinner in my own back yard....and I can eat an extra cookie or two with out the guilt...thanks to my new friend, the Dandelion. BEAUTIFUL!

Embrace your MOTHERHOOD

2009-05-05T15:06:00.000-04:00

Who is a MOM?

She is anyone who has whispered an I love you.

She is someone with a gentle hand that guides you.

She is a friend that makes you laugh.

She is a warm embrace.

She is comfort when life gets too much.

She is honest.

She is hard working.

She is patient.

She is stressed.

She is giving.

She loves unconditionally.

She is beautiful.

Happy Mother's Day

XOXO

Words

2009-03-16T20:37:00.000-04:00

Someone called me an idiot savant. The same someone said I had a learning disability. This same someone made me feel little, very little.

At first when I was called the idiot savant I tried to rationalize it...like well at least I maybe brilliant in something. That something being my writing. But deep inside, my head was screaming NO! That was not kind. Then that someone said I had a learning disability. That all of these years I have over compensated for how teachers may have failed me. I rationalized this by blaming it on my teachers. But deep inside, my head was screaming NO! That was not kind. Then that someones tone changed. That someone began pointing and starring and shaking their head, and I sat. I sat in that chair, shrinking. Getting smaller and smaller with each word being uttered from their mouth. I wanted to get away and crawl under something. I wanted to be invisible....I felt little, very little.

Words can hurt as much as a knife cutting through flesh. You may not bleed from the words but they pierce through you just as much. I sit typing this blog getting a little bit bigger...each day I grow more, realizing I am me the me I knew before those harsh words attacked my very being.
But I write this to show how ones words can effect someone. Words are powerful. Use them wisely...
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; they become your destiny.
written by, unknown

I am me...She is she

2009-03-12T12:57:00.000-04:00

I say potato...She says patato
I say biggest loser...She says american idol
I say oprah...She says rachel ray
I say dog...She says cat
I say hugh jackman...She says brad pitt
I say jennifer aniston...She says angelina jolie
I say beyonce...She says janet jackson
I say bono...She says sting
I say summer...She says spring
and on and on and on it goes....................

TWO very different people dancing to their own special beat. Differences are what make up each persons individuality. The differences are what makes each other special and unique. I get it but what happens when these two different beats are not able to make a rhythm together.
One drum sounds...rat tat tat
the other drum sounds...boom boom boom
each drum making beautiful sounds but they can't be played together. Alone they make music, together they make noise.
It all works fine when each drum is played solo but put these two drums side by side and the music stops. Each drum can not understand the others beat. Each drum is happy with the sounds that they have created around them and don't need the other drum messing up the rhythm.
As a person in the audience I enjoy both sounds and I'd prefer the two drums not to play together. They are their own drum. Let them create the sounds that are perfect for them. Why push a tat or a boom on either when they both sound perfect alone. As the audience we need to except some instruments as solo performers. Enjoy them for the music they give. And as for each individual drum, play the music that they drum best. Except each others sound for what is played...rat tat tat or boom boom boom. Don't try to want or ask for more out of that drum because baby, that drum is jammin to its own special beat.

Embrace it!
Enjoy it!
Dance it!

twirl with a cookie...they make a good dance partner.

Happy Trails.....

2009-03-01T14:38:00.000-05:00

Who is content with their life? That is the question my professor posed to my seminar class last week. We where discussing the story of "Rasselas." A prince that lives in a place called Happy Valley. There he lives in happiness all of the time. But the prince is unsettled and longs for more. And so Professor Curley asked...Who here is content with the life they live? I sit among students varying in age, but most are young, therefore many shook their heads or mumbled "No." Not realizing it but my head was softly nodding "yes." The professor caught my nod and mentioned something like...So Kim who is married and has some years of experience can say she is content. I said aloud, "Yes, I am content." Thinking of Konrad and Koby, my marriage and some of what I have accomplished in life...YES! I am content. But further discussion in class and contemplating this past week made me question...How content am I???? Just like Rasselas, which states in the story, "I have already enjoyed too much; give me something to desire" (13). And that is when I realized it all comes down to DESIRE. I truly am CONTENT with my life but I DESIRE so much more. Just as Rasselas did. I realize life is a journey and one must have dreams and goals but with out the passion and DESIRE to go after those dreams and goals your journey might take you to a dead end. So I began thinking of what I DESIRE and realized my journey is full of winding roads, up hills, down hills and some bumps but I look ahead with much enthusiasm knowing my Happy Valley lives with in. Life is what each one of us makes of it. To search for happiness is going on a journey with no ending.

Happy Trails to you all as you travel on your own journey.
Take a cookie or two in case you get hungry!

Simple Pleasures

2009-01-08T15:27:00.000-05:00

The soft smell of chocolate lingers in the air.
Steam rises.
I lean over and take a deep inhale-breathing in the rich chocolate delight.
I wrap my hands around the soft curve of the mug-I lift it slowly to my mouth.
I stop-letting it rest lightly on my bottom lip.
Taking another deep inhale- I close my eyes.
The scent of coco tickles my nose.
Finally-I place both my lips around the rim-the smooth, hot liquid glides down my throat.
My insides fill up with warmth.
I lick my lips in pure pleasure.

Dunkachinos are back at Dunkin Donuts!!!!!!
(if you've never tried one-what are you waiting for?) Get a cookie too-double the pleasure.

My Life List for 2009

2008-12-29T21:11:00.000-05:00

The year is almost over. I don't like to make New Year resolutions. I feel they put too much pressure on myself. This year I made a life list. It was fun and I realized I am very rich. Happy-Healthy New Year to you and yours. Peace-God Bless

My 2009 Life List

* To be Healthy ( mentally and physically)
* put exercise into my everyday life
* eat better
* Fit into "COOL" jeans
* wear only jeans and a T-shirt (no covering up with a bulky sweatshirt)
* be a good role model for Konrad & Koby
* stop the negative. Thoughts or words. With in myself or about others. DO NOT JUDGE. EXCEPT.
* 8 hours of sleep!!!!! (no less than 7!!!!!!!)
* keep learning (anything...even if I'm done with college courses. YEA-right)
* WRITE. I will write a book(s) someday
* JOG. I have 47 more half marathons to go
* Play with Konrad and Koby
* be mentally able to share in Konrad and Koby's lives
* worry less or plan ways to conquer the worry
* BLOG more
* enjoy family and friends
* PRAY
* take nothing for granted (LIVE & LOVE completely)
* help the earth (recycle and teach Konrad and Koby how precious our earth is)
* HONOR my father by being the best ME possible (I LOVE YOU-DAD)
* Kiss and hug Kurt more
* laugh and be silly
* go to Disney (at least 20 more times!)
* communicate (share my thoughts, feelings, dreams, desires, goals)
* buy a new pair of shoes, jeans, earrings and fragrance
* get a massage and a facial
*buy a pool (save to buy a pool)
*HUG the dogs
* put my all into work (they are our future)
* do not be afraid to show emotion (cry if I must...laugh too)
* love, except and nurture my inner self
* photograph LOTS
* sing and dance
* buy books, even if I haven't finished the one I'm reading
* buy new lip gloss
* SMILE
* THANK GOD for all that I have ( I am blessed)
* eat more cookies!!!!! (jog an extra 10 minutes)

A Face Hidden

2008-12-08T19:35:00.000-05:00

Before I begin I must confess that I haven't posted a blog in a while because I've been afraid. Afraid to write, afraid to bare my soul. Someone asked me how my mom and dad where doing today and that was all I could handle. I need to blog. When I write I hope my readers will take something away from my words and add it someway to their lives, for better or for worse. I don't want my readers to feel sorry, guilty or whatever for me as the writer. Just enjoy my words and connect with them somehow. That is my HOPE anyway. Now to begin.....

I get up everyday- dress, shower, eat breakfast, take care of the kids and dogs...then it's off to do my day. Work or whatever. But before I walk out the door I put on my mask. The mask of a strong face. No sorrow, no tears. A mask of strength. Eyes focused, mouth relaxed. The mask is used so I can continue living with out the greatest dad in the world. (I thought so, anyway) December is a month where so many are running around with holiday cheer, but for me my mask of strength is held tightly to my face. But today it cracked. When that person asked, "How's your mom and dad?" As she said the words the world stopped around me, I heard nothing but saw her expression when she saw my face and realized as I said the words, "my father passed away. He got cancer and died." Two things crossed my mind as she asked the question, lie and tell her good and walk away or scream, "God took him too early!!!!!" My mask and I opted for the truth but with that truth came the tears I keep hidden. My mask cracked. My dad died on December 18. My birthday is December 12. The mask of strength is the only way I make it through this month. My kids smiles and laughter bring me joy but sorrow too because Bampa isn't here. For tonight my mask is cracked. I will mend it tomorrow before I walk out the door.

Think Twice

2008-11-06T15:44:00.000-05:00

Is it the weather? Is it me?
I just get in these ruts. Nothing seems to make me happy. I feel fat. Ugly. Old. I feel tired.
I'm going to dinner tonight and I have nothing to wear. I look out dated. As I'm getting ready I feel like I let myself go. Shit, when was the last time I had a manicure. I'm always rushing. It drives me crazy. But now as I sit here and write I am thinking, get over yourself. This stuff isn't important. It's what is inside. I do the best I can do...with what God gave me. I should be happy I have a strong heart that let's me breath, strong arms and legs that allow me to play with Konrad and Koby. Which brings me to those two cuties loving me for me. You know, it's funny, I set out writing this in a miserable, down on myself mood. Now I am really happy. I just made myself see all of the shit...good shit...I do have. It doesn't take a manicure or a new pair of jeans...it takes me loving me.
So to those of you who may be having a down on yourself kind of day, think twice. You may surprise yourself...I sure did.

Have you had a cookie today? Oatmeal raisin for me.

PAY IT FOREWARD>>>NO FEAR.

2008-10-26T19:32:00.000-04:00

I'm so mad. Before I closed my eyes to fall asleep last night I wrote this blog in my head. I kept telling myself to get up and write it down but I thought I'd remember it. Guess what...I can only remember bits and pieces. I do that all the time...DAMN when will I learn. Any way, it was a good thought so I am going to try.

A friend of mine recently got hurt while roller blading. She was in a public place. Sitting there bleeding and hurt she was taking her time getting up and an older gentleman was walking her way...did he stop to help? NO. A couple walked down the path and still there she sat, bleeding and hurt...did the couple stop to help? NO. A jogger ran by and did offer to help. Thank God. When my friend told me the story and about the people who did not stop I could not believe it. Someone said they probably were afraid...Yes I thought that must be it. But then I thought NO! That is just a simple excuse for people NOT to help others in need. This story reminded me of a story I was taught in CCD about clothing people who we are cold, feeding those who are hungry and opening your door to those in need. When we don't help those in need it is like we are turning our back to God himself. I don't know if those reading this are religious or not, it doesn't matter. To not offer help to someone who is visibly in need is inexcusable. It makes me sad. I think of the saying "pay it forward." How simple acts of kindness can go so far and that man and that couple missed an opportunity to "pay it forward." It makes me sad. So my HOPE to all who read this is that if you see an opportunity where you can help a fellow human being (or animal) don't be afraid. "Pay it forward."

Share a cookie with a stranger...don't be afraid.

Pain

2008-09-28T18:41:00.000-04:00

the flicker of the flame, as it burns softly in the calm dark of a rainy day

my eyes still burn from the fresh tears of yesterday

the sharp pain filled knot buried deep with in my chest has left my inner being, allowing me a deep breath

the rage filled my veins and blurred my vision

the piercing screams came, leaving a burn in my throat

my eyes still burn from the fresh tears of yesterday

the ache in my body

the urge to close my eyes. sleep

curl my knees, head deep under the soft comfort of my warm blanket-feeling its warm embrace

my brain. piercing pieces of thought-they won't stop

sleep or awake they zap into my being

OUT OF CONTROL
SADNESS
ANGER
RESENTMENT
GUILT

OUT OF CONTROL
RAGE
SORROW
MEMORIES
DESPAIR

my eyes still burn from the fresh tears of yesterday

SSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

2008-09-13T20:03:00.000-04:00

They are creepy. They stare at you with little beadie eyes. They are quiet. They are quick. They FREAK ME OUT!!!! They are SNAKES!!!! And they are NOT outside! They are in my house!!! I had a stare down with one today for 20 minutes!!!! Let me begin to explain this slithery story...It all begins four years ago. We purchased our house on Oak Hill Ave. I was 6 months pregnant (give or take a month ) I was sitting in the living room and I happened to look over at a chair and saw a little head with eyes....I was saying under my breath..."is that a....snake?" I whispered it softly to myself because I didn't want to alarm the dogs who I knew would spoke the snake who would then really freak me out, so I ever so softly moved in for a closer look. Then all HELL broke loose! He looked at me I looked at him, I screamed he slithered and the dogs went crazy!!!! I maneuvered myself and big belly up onto a chair keeping my eyes on the devil. Standing on the chair I began screaming to the dogs to get away so they wouldn't scare the thing so I wouldn't be able to find it. Finally the madness quieted and I could think. Kurt was on the road to far away to call him. My dad was my next knight but he was unreachable. My next victim was Uncle Paul, thankfully he was home and came right away to my rescue! He bravely picked the snake up with a T-shirt and placed him in a bag. Because I don't like to kill nature he walked the bugger over to the woods across the street and let him free. We both agreed if the little fool tries to cross the road and gets run over that's his problem. (I'm OK with natural, sort of, causes). So that was the end of that, NOT. Doing laundry one day I am going to lift a load of clean, dry clothes that have been sitting on top of the dryer waiting to be folded and again I see a little head and those same beadie eyes...Kurt's home and this time I can't stop the scream!!!! I run upstairs and tell Kurt. He goes to get it but of course the slithery beast is gone. Konrad is born now and just crawling at the time of this snake sighting. Days go by and I forget about the snake. Konrad and I are playing on the living room floor. Laughing, clapping, having a great time. All of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I see IT....I have a total freak out and scare Konrad half to death. The dogs are barking, Konrad is crying and I'm freaking. And the snake is trying to get the hell out....I can't remember who came to my rescue this time but someone did. I hate to say this but we see another one a few days later. I am in the changing room with Konrad and I hear Kurt tell his cousin, who he had been talking to on the phone, "Shit, Sal, I gotta go, a snake is slithering by and I don't want Kim to know." Well of course I hear him and freak!!!! That snake wasn't as lucky....he didn't get relocated! So as you can guess I am not happy! I want this snake nightmare to end. I start to make calls to exterminators, no one knows what to do or how to remove them. I do finally get in touch with some pest remover company who charges me an arm and a leg to do basically nothing. The only good advice they said was to remove a large wood pile that we had in the back yard. Which we did, right away!!!! Snake problem solved. NOT!!!! Well actually it had been until two days ago. I was going down to the basement to get a roll of T.P when I see a little head and beadie eyes....for some reason I didn't freak. I was pissed. "You bastard!" I said to that snake. I grabbed the broom and started swatting at it. It slithered away. Yes, I found where the bastards are coming in after all these years and all that money spent. So Kurt fixes the problem. All is good. No more snakes. NOT.

Today I go to the basement and what do I see...a full bodied snake slithering around on the basement floor. Kurt was upstairs with the kids so I yelled for him to get down here quick. Again this snake was not so lucky. Kurt reassures me that will be the last of them because he must have been a leftover trying to find his way out. I felt relieved. The kids go down for a nap, Kurt goes shopping and I go to the cellar to start a load of laundry. Rounding the corner IT catches my eye..."What the------!" I calmly walked backward keeping my eyes right on him. My eyes pierced into his little beadie eyes. I tried to think what I could kill him with and I couldn't do it. I broke out into a sweat. My heart beat through my shirt but I didn't stop the stare. I prayed Kurt would get home. Then all of a sudden he began to move. He slithered along the wall, I darted after him with the pole from the mop. I began poking at him to try to get him cornered, but the lucky thing found a crack to hide in. Kurt was still not home and I wanted to get the hell out of the basement. Placing a For Sale sign out front has crossed my mind many times! Kurt got home and again had to go on snake patrol. Number 6 was caught and done away with. I hate to kill creatures, I really do. But I hate more that these slithery, yucky, beadie eyed beasts are trying to move in to my home! So now I sit calmly watching the Sox get beat by Toronto. The day hasn't been so good. Maybe the Sox will end up winning another World Series and I will never see another snake in this house again! That would be AWESOME! For now I'll just go get a cookie.
Have you had a cookie today? SSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

Even a cookie won't help

2008-08-11T14:14:00.001-04:00

I saw Batman the other night. Before I continue I want to say I am not an expert on comic book Super Heroes. As far as the movie I found it very violent. I realize there would be explosions but I think it was violent in terms of watching or interpreting people going to get or be killed or hurt in a violent way. I think it was made to have more of a "real" feel than a make believe comic feel. There was a part where people where escaping the city and they were walking out in masses, I couldn't help thinking of 9/11. I don't like that feeling. Another part that bothered me was the detective that associated with Batman got shot and killed. They show the wife and son being told of this horror only to later find out he had to "do it" to protect them. (sorry if you haven't seen the movie) I know this part really disturbed me because being a wife and mom I can not imagine the sorrow of losing your husband and your child their father. Then to find out he wasn't dead pissed me off because I fucking want that to happen to me! I'd love for my dad to come walking back up to me saying "I had to do it." I know, it's only a movie. Yet I couldn't stop thinking of all the kids in my pre-school who love the super heroes! How many of them will beg their parents to let them see this movie. And who some just might. And that is how I got to thinking that movies and television have become too violent. People do say, "they are just movies" or "it's just a t.v. show. " But some one's head has just been blown off and we watch,a dead body is being cut open on a table and we watch, people violently die and we watch. We read the paper and watch the news and people are getting hurt or killed and we sit there with no expression, it's every day life....oh well. I'm scared of all the violence. It is everywhere and no one seems to mind. I see it being played on the play yard at the pre-school and it proves that the innocent think it's OK. I'm scared of the violence.
Even a cookie won't help me feel better.

2008-07-31T15:00:00.000-04:00

To Blog or not to blog...that has been my question of the day. But leaving the bathroom and seeing my god-awful refelction in the mirror I knew I must blog. As a mom I get busy and tend to let myself go, as I am sure many of you can relate to. Even if you don't have kids life gets busy and we tend to forget about giving ourselves some TLC. As I saw myself in the mirror, no gloss on the lips, a black eye (thanks to Koby's head), and my short hair pulled back with a clip on the top of my head with two big feathered like wings of hair coming out on each side, like the joker from Batman! Kim-get a hold of yourself, I thought. I immediatley reached for some revitalizing hair spray and went to work, added some gloss and went straight to the computer. Now here I sit. It's funny how just a little primping can lift your spirits. For the past many months I have been feeling empty. Or maybe Blah is the word. Like I need to spice up my life...do something crazy. Something to feel alive. I'm not sure if anyone has done the Polar Plunge in January,but DO IT! Because that is the feeling I am looking for. It's crazy to be jumping into the water when it is freezing outside, it's a little nerve racking and scary too-you think, oh God please don't let me have a heart attack. No sharks, it's too cold. My wintey white skin might scare a little kid, but they count you down 5, 4, 3, 2, 1....and there is a mad dash for the water (or in the case of last year, it was just 4 of us) you just have to run in, don't stop. The harsh, bitter cold doesn't hit you right away, when it does you're on your way out of the frigid cold water to your warm towel. Your feet feel like bricks and the boogies are frozen to your face but you can't stop laughing and neither can those around you. You feel so alive!
I recently had another opportunity to feel a bit crazy when I got my second tatoo. One of my best friends from high school came for a visit, she is to turn....this February and wanted to do something wild. Feeling empty and blah I quickly joined in on her fun. My cousin Ryan drew this kick ass sea turtle with my boys names and the number 11 in memory of my dad going through the turtles shell. With each prick of the needle I felt more alive, when it was finished it was perfect. It was the warm towel on that cold January day. So today again I have that same feeling of blah. I want to do something to feel alive. Writing and jogging help. I don't think I've always had this blah empty feeling. And I'm not that wild and crazy that I'd jump from a plane,(maybe if I had no kids). So what is it that drives me to blah...my look in the mirror? I have no idea, but that was the look that made me blog today, and at this moment I do feel alive! Maybe tomorrow I'll get a hair cut, that usually works for a day or two. And I'll have a cookie, nothing says alive like a fresh chocoalte chip cookie straight out of the oven.
Have you had a cookie today?

To live like POOH BEAR

2008-07-29T13:39:00.000-04:00

well I just had my first, of I am sure many BLOG mess ups....I had a blog all written then I pressed something and poof it was gone. Well the first few lines where there, nothing else. Bummer. I started off by saying thank you to all who are reading and/or commenting. I appreciate it. Also please feel free to give my blog info. out to anyone you may think would be interested. Now to begin...As some of you may know I am a list oriented person. I write a list for just about everyhting. So for the summer I made a summer reading list. I put on it 13 books I have been wanting to read or finish reading. That brings me to the book I just finished, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. At first I thought I should stop reading it becasue it seemed too much for a summer read, but thankfully I kept reading and closed the book a more "PRESENT" person. One of my favorite books of all time is the Tao of Pooh. I always wanted to try and live my life like Pooh, simple yet profound. I am sorry to say I haven't picked up the book in years and really should have when life got too much. But now with Eckhart Tolle he again made me see how living in the present is so important to what life is all about. He wrote, "The present moment is always small in the sense that it is always simple, but concealed within it lies the greatest power." (pg.266-7) And that brings me to witnessing my boys playing outside today. They where simply running in circles and yelling their little heads off, just being in the moment. My moment was watching them. It was beautiful. Being "PRESENT" is something I do when I jog. I never think about how far I need to go, I just put one jogging shoe in front of the other and just BE. I breath and go, at that moment I am PRESENT with each step and breath I take. I recommend this book to everyone who wants to be more "PRESENT" in their lives. And right now my "PRESENT" is to sip my coffee and take a bite of cookie. "Be still. Look. Listen. Be present. " (pg. 236)
Have you had a cookie today?

cookie-MOMster is born

2008-07-28T16:57:00.000-04:00

For over a year now I have been taking a writing class. Since I was a little girl I loved to write. During my twenties I hate to say I never picked up a pen to write, I had totally forgotten the love I had for it. Fast forward to the birth of my first son the urge to write began to grow once again. Then with the birth of my second little guy I was all consumed by it. I began writing in journals for them, writing about things that they did or how I felt about being their mom. I continue to write in them so someday I can present them with my journey of being their mom. Writing in those journals inspired me to begin writing for myself, then enrolling in the writing class and now here I sit composing a piece for my very own blog! The idea behind cookie-MOMster came from those journals that I write for Konrad and Koby. Being a new mom I was CRAZY!!!!!(still am) The only thing that would calm me were cookies and coffee. These two little beings bring chaos and much happiness to my life. I hope you will join me on this ride.
Have you had a cookie today?
I did. An Oreo and a coffee=CALM.